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THE TOP TEN ADVANTAGES OF DATING SIGHTED AND BLIND PEOPLE
By: Priscilla McKinley
Editor's Note: This article is reprinted from the Student Slate, Spring/Summer, 1999: http://www.nfb.org/stslate.htm
10. Dating a sighted person means having a sighted guide when some idiot smashes into you and breaks your cane on your way to class; Dating a blind person
means having a spare cane when some idiot smashes into you and breaks your cane on your way to class.
9. Dating a sighted person means having someone keep you from kissing a nose instead of the lips; Dating a blind person means not caring if you give or
get a kiss on the nose instead of the lips.
8. Dating a sighted person means being able to take drives in the country on weekends; Dating a blind person means being able to have private NFB conventions
on weekends.
7. Dating a sighted person means having someone to blame when you run into each other in the hall; Dating a blind person means it's no one's fault when
you run into each other in the hall.
6. Dating a sighted person means having someone to describe what's going on during the silent moments of a movie; Dating a blind person means having time
to get popcorn or go to the bathroom during the silent moments of a movie.
5. Dating a sighted person means knowing who's going to drive on your next date; Dating a blind person means knowing you're going to take the bus on your
next date.
4. Dating a sighted person means having someone to tell you if your socks match; Dating a blind person means having someone else remember if you cut your
tag out of your orange or purple shirt.
3. Dating a sighted person means someone telling you when you have a piece of broccoli stuck between your two front teeth; Dating a blind person means no
one noticing when you have a piece of broccoli stuck between your two front teeth.
2. Dating a sighted person means being able to ask questions like, "What's the expiration date on this milk?" and "Does this look infected?" ; Dating a
blind person means being able to ask questions like, "What's the braille symbol for S-I-O-N?" and "Does this feel swollen?"
Okay. Okay. Hold on. I'm not going to give you the number one advantage for dating sighted and blind persons, at least not until you hear me out. And don't
cheat by fast forwarding your tape player to the next beep tone and then rewinding a few seconds, for I have some important things to say here. Really!
As students, many of you have dated, are dating, or at least would like to date. Some of you may have pondered the questions about whether or not to date
a sighted or a blind person, as I have in the past. Sometimes I thought it would be easier to date a blind person, someone who could understand the challenges
blind people face on a daily basis. Other times, I thought it would be easier to date a sighted person, someone who could alleviate some of the challenges
that go along with blindness. But then when in a relationship with a sighted person, I would start questioning why I was with this person and why he was
with me. Is he with me because he likes to play the protector? Is he with me because he has low self esteem
and doesn't think he can get a sighted person? Am I with him because it's nice to have someone to drive me places when I'm in a hurry or read the paper
when Newsline(r) breaks down? Am I with this person because I am afraid to be alone?
When in a relationship with a blind person, I found myself asking similar types of questions. Do we have anything in common besides our blindness? Am I
in this relationship because I don't think a sighted person could accept my blindness? If I stay in this relationship, how are we going to manage as a
blind couple?
There are many reasons why people enter into relationships with others, and we as blind students are just as likely to enter into relationships for the
wrong reasons. However, we can make this less likely by possessing self-confidence and good blindness skills. For example, I won't be as likely to get
into a relationship of dependency on a sighted person if I have access to readers, have good braille and cane travel skills, and know the city bus schedule
like the back of my hand. Likewise, I won't be as likely to enter into a relationship of safety with a blind person if I have the self-confidence to be
blind on my own.
In other words, as in any relationship, you have to be happy with yourself before you can make another person happy. The better your blindness skills, the
less your blindness becomes an issue in any relationship. Both sighted and blind persons will respect you more if you have self-confidence and good blindness
skills.
"It is respectable to be blind. It is respectable to be blind. It is respectable to be blind." If you keep telling yourself this, you will start to believe
it. If you believe it, you will start to live it, which will positively affect your relationships with both the sighted and the blind.
It is important for all of us as blind individuals to analyze our relationships. I'm not saying you should get out a microscope and examine each and every
move you and your partner make, but you should ask yourself the following questions:
1. Would you still be interested in this person if the status of his/her sight changed? In other words, if dating a sighted person, would you still be interested
if he/she went blind? Or, if dating a blind person, would you
be interested if he/she got his/her sight back?
2. Would you still want to be with this person if all of a sudden you could see?
If you are currently in a relationship and answered "no" to either of the above questions, you might want to get out that microscope and take a closer look,
for you might be in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
If you answered "yes" to both of the questions, then you have made it to the number one advantage for dating a sighted or a blind person, which is the same
for both.
1. Dating this person, sighted or blind, means being with the one you love (or at least the one you like a heck of a lot). And isn't that what really matters?
